Negotiate like a 2-year-old

When you were two years old you were great at negotiating to get what you want . . . so why do you avoid negotiating so much now?

I spent last week tending my two-year-old niece so my brother and his wife could have a getaway. Here was a typical convo at lunchtime:

Her: I wanna look at your phone.
Me: No, here, eat your food.
Her: No, I wanna look at your phone.
Me: Okay, after you eat your food.
Her: I wanna look at your phone RIGHT NOW.
Me: Okay, eat five more bites.
Her: One more.
Me: Five more.
Her: (eats two bites and stares at me)
Me: (sigh, pulls out phone)

Now obviously we don’t want our bosses or clients feeling like a frustrated uncle who just lost a power struggle with a toddler.

But it’s been my experience – speaking generally – that PR pros are more likely to have a “people pleaser” personality that values agreement and getting along higher than other principles, like fairness or getting rewarded for work.

That’s a strength in many aspects of your job. But not during:

• your annual review
• responding to a job offer
• redefining scope during a reorg

Those are situations where you want to do the mature adult equivalent of: look down at the food they push toward you, and respond by asking to look at their phone.

Gracefully acknowledge what they’re offering or inviting you to do, but then ask for what you want. Invite a discussion that goes back and forth to find a mutually beneficial outcome.

I’ve been doing deals with PR people – often at the executive level – for 20 years, and I’m still surprised at how uncomfortable they are with negotiating. Many of them seem to assume that any offer – whether from me or from them – is a “take it or leave it” situation.

Assuming you’ve built a track record of success and your value to your boss or client is clear, treat any offer or request as the opening remark in what will be a longer and fruitful conversation.

It’s not about being tough or stubborn or strong. It’s about being a good communicator and finding the best solution – together.