Parenting vs. Placements

I’m second-guessing a line from a recent speech.

I said, “I can’t remember whatever work I skipped on this random Friday ten years ago, but my daughter just told me every detail of the spontaneous trip to Arches National Park I took her on instead.”

That statement is true, and I stand by the premise that making lasting memories with your kids beats another random monotonous workday.

But I didn’t tell the audience the flip-side of that point, which is less popular but just as true:

“I don’t remember which of my kid’s milestones I missed years ago, but I vividly recall the huge media placements I got instead of being with my family, and the subsequent impact on my career (and thus our financial security).”

Good dad for the getaway? Bad dad for the grind?

Both.

If you’re a parent (or a caregiver or good-cause-driver or whatever noble role you play outside work), you gotta be okay with that tension.

Life isn’t a binary toggle between family and career, and in real time it’s murky which choice will matter a decade later.

It’s top of mind because our “nest” is now empty. All four are out on their own.

My takeaway: Intention beats inertia.

If I’d been stuck in “default mode,” neither of those aforementioned memories would’ve been made.

That winter day 10 years ago was a spur-of-the-moment decision – unseasonably warm weather? No vital deadlines tomorrow? “Who wants to go to Moab?”

The major media wins came from early mornings and late evenings testing and re-testing a new system for email pitching. Wasn’t in my job description, but it paid off.

I wasn’t always good at being that deliberate. Too often I just worked whatever hours other people on my team did and filled my days with meetings and email.

Intentionality could have earned more headlines or more home time – maybe both.

I got better at avoiding merely going through the motions. Less time “being responsive” on email and no more habitually accepting every meeting invitation – those shifts reclaimed about an hour a day for family.

And when an ideal client company would call for a training gig, I’d still hop on the plane – scheduled around family priorities, and a day blocked to reconnect after I got home.

Yes, I’m super grateful my grown kids still call.

But I’m also really proud of the professional victories.

You’re not bad at either role for valuing the other one.

P.S. ICYM the newsletter over the holiday – it dug into a related idea and sparked many emotional responses. Read it here.